Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
