I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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