He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
