I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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