Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
