I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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