so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
