Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
