Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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