It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
