Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
