I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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