got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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