you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
