Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
