YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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