I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
