im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize