My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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