My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
