there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
