You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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