Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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