Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
