New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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