Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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