Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
