and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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