Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize