you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
