We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
