I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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