so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
