the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was like eating out sand paper
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize