im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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