you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
