I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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