It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
