She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
