I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
