i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize