When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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