Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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