Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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