super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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