Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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