My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize