Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
