I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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