he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
