i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We have started to decorate penises.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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