If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize