I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
