Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
