i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
