we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
