Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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