YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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